in the legend the woman gave birth to rabbits : and made even the king believe the possibility : that the half-formed pieces of lung & abdomen & arms : were from her own womb : in the legend she knew what all women understand : how a body can be equal parts giving and brutal : how there is always an animal waiting on its haunches : that it bites with every rushed entry : but knows when a hand is gentle : so while i wait in the exam room : with my legs in metal stirrups : i wonder what animals they will try to pull from me : o to be released from loathing : o to feel the quickening of a knife : remove the woman but not the claws : leave the teeth but take the girlhood : mary toft : teach me to endure the gazes of other creatures : as they try to give a name to my discomfort : teach me how to open for another : this doctor with his tools and his authority : asks me how long have i struggled : and how many men have i seen : but how do i say that i have always felt the need to purge something : how do i say that I only know my body by the shape of other hands : the mothers tell me i am gaining weight where i am supposed to : the lovers anchor themselves to all the permitted parts of me :  the boy begins before i find the words : and the doctor can only go an inch : before i comment on the pain : mary is it any wonder : that you wanted it to be over : that you told them it was a lie : mary here is another man : who does not understand : says that the female body has long been a mystery : but cannot say when this will stop being a mystery to me : o to be touched and never cry : o to love myself everywhere : mary toft tell me your secrets : how can i know this body well enough : to trick the man at the counter into never calling me pretty again : how can i make my voice not a confusion : but the call of an animal : who has always known its own name

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